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Bee-line Becky

My 37km run a week or so ago convinced me that running one step more than necessary on any occasion was a radical excess.

My kitchen wall now has a human shaped cut-out.

It’s true. Since discovering that the shortest distance between the kitchen and the bathroom demanded an access point three feet left of the door, I did what was necessary.

Why?  My 37km run a week or so ago convinced me that running one step more than necessary on any occasion was a radical excess. Moreover, come my May 15 marathon, I don’t want a repeat of Ottawa where my Garmin revealed post-race I’d actually run almost 43km instead of 42.

So, I’ve devoted the past ten days to figuring out how to get from Point A to Point B on race day with absolutely zero wastage – without adding extra metres weaving through crowds or water stops, taking excessively wide corners or climbing the stands to high-five my adoring fan.

Thus, I turned to the experts.

Canadian Running Magazine editor Mihira Lakshman told me to always take the tangent when turning corners (i.e run as straight a line as possible) and added:

“The same way that track runners always pay careful attention to running on the inside of lane one, road runners need to make sure they run the shortest route, by avoiding weaving and picking straight lines.”

Next, my run group leader Dr. Stevil gave me this little gem.

“I do know that when a course is ‘certified’ they measure the distance at the shortest possible corner that you can take, so if there is an S bend in the road , it is measured tightly to get through. Recognize that.”

56 year-old Mario Ramirez, one of the uber-runners in my run club, has run more than 18 half marathons as well as 14 marathons in the past eight years.  A few weeks ago he ran Boston in 3:16:01.

Mario’s strategy? “I try to stay in the middle of the road and only pass people if they are going very slowly… I cut the corners when we turn either right or left. That is I try to come as close to the curb on the side we are turning.” To avoid water stations –and the crowds that come with them – Mario also carries his own fluid.

Finally, I asked my running-freak of a brother for advice. Probably because he is so close to the front all the damn time and has never really had to contend with crowds, his only piece of advice was this:

“Don’t eat a moron sandwich before the race. “ I guess that’s his eloquent way of saying use your common sense.

While these strategies seem logical, I’ve been seriously thinking there’s more I can do. So come race day, I thought I could:
— Run last
— Run behind everyone shouting “he’s coming, he’s coming!”
— Give myself A quick pre-race spritz of coyote urine — it should have everyone scattering away from my winning aroma (I hear this is what Moses actually used to part the red sea).
— Carry a rape alarm. Instead, of going around someone running in front of me I’ll just give a quick blast and watch them jump out of the way.
–If that doesn’t work I’ll just tase them.

What do you do dear readers? Please leave a comment below and help me run the “shortest” marathon possible in Toronto!

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