Running on empty

This morning I woke up at 5 a.m., it was still dark outside. I got dressed and headed out the door for my 6 a.m. fitness class. I started my car and the gas light lit up, warning me that my tank was on empty. I laughed to myself and thought it was ironic that my Volkswagen essentially is a metaphor of my life: high mileage, sturdy frame, needs body work, has a strong engine — but is out of gas.

It’s been a very busy couple of years with work and family. I admit that I’m exhausted. My doctors have said my stress and busy lifestyle is a contributing factor to why my Achilles injury has taken so long to heal. Today is my first day of vacation and I plan to make the most of my free time by exercising more. With just over a month until my race in Prince Edward Island, it’s time to put my training into overdrive. The next step will be to increase the intensity of workouts with fitness classes and taking control of my nutrition issues.

Today was my first fitness class at Kineso Sport Lab. I was nervous. That uneasy feeling quickly subsided as I was welcomed by the friendly trainers and their small group of early-morning regulars.  I was pleasantly surprised to see a variety of body shapes and fitness levels in the group. Upon arriving, everyone immediately started the warm-up routine that was written on the white board.

I was introduced to some really amazing exercises that I’ve never tried before. There was also  a 20 minute running component included in the fitness class – I felt like I was in a runner’s paradise. The upbeat music and encouraging coaches had me pumped, before I knew it, the hour was up and I was drenched. I laid on the floor completely exhausted, proud that I gave it 100 per cent.

After this intense work-out, I should have had a protein shake or at least a chocolate milk – but I didn’t eat until at least two hours later.  My eating habits are a problem – I regularly skip meals and my water intake needs to at least quadruple, one to two glasses a day just isn’t enough. I also need to have more control with splurging, reserving baked goods for once a week as an ultimate indulgence. I know what I have to do, but it’s is easier said than done. My relationship with food has been the biggest battle that I’ve continually faced since childhood.

I’ve never been diagnosed by a doctor with an eating disorder, but I know that I have one. I’m a classic case of a stress induced binge-eater. Now binge-eating wouldn’t be so bad if I was grabbing handfuls of fresh veggies like celery sticks or kale, but the reality is that I don’t binge on healthy food and I do it in private  — and that’s a problem. The onus is on me to take control of this issue and fuel myself properly both before and after workouts. I’m fortunate that I like healthy food, but I rarely make the time needed to plan healthy balanced meals. Clearly, I need to align my priorities.

I find it interesting, that we worry about the per cent of octane going into our gas tanks, but, similar to the car, our bodies need quality fuel too.  We don’t always associate the food going into our mouths as the energy source to keep us running.  As someone with an eating disorder, my connection to food is different than others — I use it to calm myself and eat to relieve stress. It works short term, but then again, so does running. Without running the last 10 months, I’ve fallen back into my bad coping strategies with food. Now that I can run (without pain) I need to retrain my brain that the best stress reliever is to go for a 20 minute run instead of eating a bag of chips or bowl of ice cream.

The next stage of my road to recovery is to deal with the the struggle that I face with eating regularly, making healthy food choices and keeping my tank full with proper nutrition.