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What conversation would sound like if training with eight-year-olds

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It’s official. I’m old. Not because I just turned 40, but because I no longer understand the words my kids use. At least not in the context they’re using them. I had an experience with a group of eight-year-olds recently which confirmed the fact that they and I have very different understandings of what certain words mean.

This led me to imagine hypothetical morning run conversations that would happen if my group were comprised of eight-year-olds.

Me: “OK guys, we’re doing five hill repeats.”
Eight-year-old: “Random.”
Me: “It’s not random at all. We’re rebuilding our strength for our winter base building phase.”
Eight-year-old: “Wow – rare.”
Me: “???”
Group member shows up with a new, flourescent jacket.
Eight-year-old: “That jacket is so awkward.”
Me: “What are you talking about? It’s not awkward at all. It’s the opposite of awkward. It is in fact extremely functional and sensible.”
*Eight-year-old isn’t listening because I’ve already talked for too long. The workout commences.*

Eight-year-old: “This is LITERALLY the steepest hill ever.”
Me: “Actually, it’s not. It’s not even figuratively the steepest hill ever.”
Eight-year-old: “You’re making no sense right now. Literally.”
Me: “I don’t think you’re using ‘LITERALLY’ correctly.”
Eight-year-old: “Awkward.
There is no possible reply to this so we continue doing hills.
The workout finishes.
Eight-year-old: “That workout was legendary!”
Me: “Actually, we were starting again with five hills. We’ve done up to nine before. So this one wasn’t actually ‘legendary.’”
Eight-year-old is looking at me funny: “What is wrong with you and why don’t you understand anything I’m saying?”
Me: “Ditto.”

 

We run home in silence.

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