Why you should never ever date a runner

We runners are lovely people but you seriously should think twice before dating us.

Running is great, runners are awesome, dating runners is not. On the outside we may look physically fit and attractive. We run off our stress meaning we often have a positive attitude. But deep down, we are hiding many dirty secrets. If you’re thinking of getting serious with a runner, think twice. If you proceed with your decision to date a runner, here’s what will happen to you. (Unless you are one of these runners who fell in love, but that’s different.):

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1. We will wear our sweaty gear out to dinner once we get comfortable. 

At first we plan our outfits. Or we throw on some socially acceptable combination of clothing before going to meet you. Over time, that will fade. We will routinely show up in sweaty workout gear and you will get mad we can’t go to nice places.

2. Running causes tons of aches and pains. We will ask for massages. 

Especially the feet and calves. By dating a runner, you basically become a massage therapist.

3. Our homes smell like shoes. 

Because there are so many of them. Yes we clean. We might even move the shoes into another room. No matter what we do, our homes always smell vaguely shoe-y.

4. We are in the habit of extending our runs when we’re out. This means we will often be late.

Get used to the sheepish look on your runner lover’s face when he/she comes in the door. You heard 5K run. That was the intention but somehow it ended up being 11K instead. Sorry.

5. Saturday night dates aren’t a thing. 

Unless your idea of a hot date consists of an early night, bland food and no alcohol. Hey, we gotta be up early on Sunday.

6. Every so often you will get an emergency call asking you to drive out to pick us up from a run gone wrong. 

Your girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse sprained an ankle, got lost, had a stomach issue, etc. You’ll hear every excuse in the book. It doesn’t mean you’ll ever enjoy stopping what you’re doing, getting in the car and finding your significant other in the middle of nowhere to drive them home.

7. Our blisters and chafing might be somewhat unappealing.

This might be an understatement. And if you’re dating a man, add bloody nipples to that.

8. Don’t like the taste of sweat? Too bad. 

You’re going to taste our sweat. You will know exactly what it tastes like. Another gross part about loving a runner.

9. We will drag you out for a run with us even if you hate it. 

Somehow we convince you, you hate it. We stay hopeful that one day you will join us at the start line of a race.

10. Then we’ll do it again. 

Because we ignore your complaints.

11. If you want company in the morning, your best bet is a teddy bear or dog. Count us out. 

We are out running before anyone wakes up. The up side is that you might wake up with breakfast and coffee ready.

12. Our toenails are disgusting. 

Hopefully you’re not squeamish. Hopefully you like the colour black.

13. You are going to hear so much runner talk that will bore you out of your mind. 

Club gossip, race times, the new running route, the new racing fad, which pair of shoes we tried today, the list goes on. Thanks for at least faking your excitement.

14. There is no room for your shoes on the rack. 

And yes we need all of those running shoes.

15. There will be laundry everywhere. 

We wash it and then out of nowhere, the hamper fills up all over again.

16. We eat your food. 

We do this almost as shamelessly as dogs do. Because we’re running, we are always hungry. When we come home from a long run, we feel half-starved and end up eating everything in site.