Cautionary tales of first date fails on the trails

With spring just around the corner, romance is in the air. The sun’s gentle kiss and the soft forest breeze are all the sweeter among the budding green leaves. Most of the time, trail running is a wonderful way to kickstart a fledgling love. So go ahead and ask your crush for some fartlek in the forest, but be warned–for all is fair in love and trails.

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Only ambitious fools trail run for our first dates. A cocktail of elevated endorphins and surging serotonin makes a deadly medley. Heavier breathing and heartrate data that would otherwise only make sense if you were 40 years older renders runners clumsy and insecure. Chafing and rashes no one can explain are all heightened by anticipation and extra circulation. Overanalyzing technique causes crippling doubts, and corresponding cramps come up that we thought we had already worked through with our therapist. When we’re well hydrated on love it’s pure chaos out there.

RELATED: The Pros and Cons of a running date

First date fail: Woman left stranded on Sunshine Coast mountain https://t.co/6oPsLD62Ra pic.twitter.com/IDOje4gxY7

— The Courier-Mail (@couriermail) July 29, 2018

I don’t know who needs to hear this today, but “it could be worse.”

You could be connecting with someone special, trotting through the trees when suddenly a loud THWACK! Your toe has betrayed you. Foul words fill the air as you squirm on the uneven ground, grasping frantically at the broken black toenail rattling around in your bloodstained toebox.

“Is it broken? Can you walk?”… Small talk guaranteed to blossom into something special.

Don’t rush things

There’s no better foreplay than a trail ballet.“I’ll never forget the look in his eyes: Desperate, longing… A gooey mosquito was lodged way up under his eyelid. I couldn’t pull it out.” …one way to lock eyes for an intimate glance. “The mosquitoes were so bad that we couldn’t rest for a moment without being eaten alive. By the time we got back to the car, it was painfully obvious that our sweaty spandex and ankle socks had done little to protect us.”

Yikes. Kids, be careful out there.

RELATED: Why you should never date a trail runner