Interview: Suzy Favor Hamilton, from Olympian to Escort

Favor_Hamilton

Suzy Favor Hamilton was a much-adored American track star in the 1990’s, representing the U.S. in three Olympic Games. Favor Hamilton was known as the “All-American girl,” appearing in cosmetic and hair product ads and sponsored by major athletic companies. She was an athlete everyone knew and many looked up to. While everything looked perfect though, she was struggling with a serious mental health condition during these years.

She struggled with an eating disorder and was bipolar, though at the time didn’t know it. Her brother suffered from the same mental health disorder which led him to eventually take his own life.

In 2012, after Favor Hamilton’s track career was over, a Smoking Gun article came out exposing her as working as a high-end escort in Las Vegas. The story put Favor Hamilton in the public eye again, this time in a negative light.

The former track champion has written a memoir, entitled Fast Girl. It just hit the shelves. We caught up with her to talk track, her battle with mental illness and working as an escort.

SM: Your book just came out. How are you feeling about it?

Fast_Girl_001SH: Excited but at the same time, it’s really difficult just reliving this and bringing it all up for my family and for myself. There’s a lot of stress involved. You’re telling everything about your life.

SM: What was the experience like in writing this memoir?

SH: It was very therapeutic at times and incredibly difficult. More difficult than I thought it would be, just reliving it and going “Oh my God I did that? I can’t believe that happened. Why did this happen?” and just learning about my illness more and crying a lot.

That was during the middle of the book. Maybe the last six months was when it got really bad because I knew this was coming to fruition. Even right before it, it was incredibly stressful. I’m really glad that it has been released because I feel now that the new chapter can begin and I can focus on my new life in California and I’m really looking forward.

SM: Talk to me about the decision to write this memoir in the first place.

SH: I felt like I was so misunderstood. Nobody knew about the bipolar. I had to really keep this quiet. That was hard because there was so much negativity and I couldn’t explain myself. I wanted people to know why I did what I did. I was getting called a whore, a slut. People said “She did this to hurt her family”, “Her husband should leave her”, “Why doesn’t she kill herself?”

Suzy_Favor_Hamilton3SM: You’ve written about this need to be perfect and the anxiety and mental illness that came out with performing at such a high level. Having been in the running world for so long, did you see this a lot?

SH: In looking back, I see my bulimia as a true sign of mental illness and this obsessive compulsiveness. I could never take a day off. If I won a gold medal, I thought that could take the pain away from my family that they were feeling from my brother’s death.

SM: You brought up bulimia. Let’s talk about the body image issues. What would have to happen for things to be different for girls in the sport now?

SH: It wasn’t talked about then. It’s much better now. I remember when I was running the Kinney Championships and there was a girl who beat me who was extremely anorexic. She had beat me and I thought “Maybe I need to look like that to win.” I know that set me off. That was the moment I decided I need to be skinnier to be faster. Now looking back and seeing kids with the disorder who are runners, I’m able to say if you’re bulimic or anorexic, your career is going to only last a short time. It’s going to be a year or two years and your body is going to be injured and you’re going to be done.

SM: One coach filmed your breasts while you were running and showed people. It led to a breast reduction surgery. Can you talk about that decision?

SH: I remember waking up from the [breast reduction] surgery thinking why didn’t she take more? I completely wanted to be flat-chested. All my life was about running fast and I had to look the part. There was a rumour that went out that I had the reduction. I was horrified.

SM:Suzy_Favor_Hamilton What is it that sex work gave you that running could not?

SH: It gave me a power. Sex work gave me this power over men. All my coaches were men, I always listened, I did whatever they said. Suddenly [with sex work] I had this power, this control. These were very wealthy and some very well-known men and I had the power. It was a role reversal from my running. In this world now, I changed. I became a different person who was confident, wanted to show her curves. It was the complete opposite. I wasn’t afraid to call the shots. Somebody described me as a badass. I was confident.

SM: How was it different when you’re getting into the life of a high end escort? Do you not still have to look perfect all the time?

SH: With the escorting, I got to be this glamourous woman. I did the Botox, the face peels, went to the salon. The better I looked, the wealthier the client was and the more power I had.

SM: I’m getting the sense from you that running was stifling but escorting was not.

SH: Yes. I had to be this perfect image. The All-American girl who always did everything right. Who after a race took all the time in the world to talk to every fan and sign those autographs. Now since the whole story has come out, I don’t have to be that person anymore.

SM: You talk about loving escorting. Tell us what you loved.

SH: I think what was liberating for me was the fact that I didn’t need anybody. I could do this all on my own. I needed approval all the time. To not have approval anymore was liberating and to feel like a woman and not be judged. I could have a sexy body—something I never could show and had never wanted. When I felt like I was really a woman, I wanted to show that. It was the complete opposite from the runner.

SM: Let’s go to the first experience when you’re going to go into the hotel room where you go as Kelly.

Suzy_Favor_Hamilton_SH: It was so incredibly easy. I’m already manic. The Zoloft had really kicked in. This was eight months into being on Zoloft. I’m high as a kite. I go up to the door, I knock and the door opens and I just give the guy a kiss right away. He opened the double doors. It was so natural. There’s no handbook. If you need a handbook to be an escort, then something’s wrong. It came so natural. That’s where Kelly had this power and control and I think the control and the power made it feel so natural for me.

SM: Bring me to the scene. Who is this guy?

SH: This was in a big suite. It wasn’t like I was nervous. I had a glass of wine and my high got even higher. I just took control. It was so natural, so easy to do. I remember leaving with the money in my hand, thumbing through the hundreds, feeling the power and thinking “I just had sex, I got all this money, I feel great, this is empowering.” Kelly needed that. I need the sex to fuel my brain.

SM: The two factors that you talk about being a contributor to the hypersexuality was the bipolar and Zoloft. Was becoming an escort something that had an extra level to satisfy that versus going to the bar and meeting guys?

SH: I tried that. That was my first step in the six month process of becoming an escort. That was my exploration period. That was fun. Then the next step was hiring a gigolo. I was having fun. He was having fun but it was a bizarre moment when I realized, that I’m paying him and he’s having just as much fun, maybe I should be on the other end. That’s the lightbulb moment. It felt incredibly normal. Never a thought or care that I would be hurting anybody. I never thought of that. I lost maternal instinct. I lost the fact that I was a wife when I was in Vegas because I became a different person.

SM: When the Smoking Gun article came out, you were outed to everyone. Had it not come out, how long would this have continued? Could you be working as a high end escort still today?

SH: Yes because nothing would have changed. I wouldn’t be getting the medication that I’m on now. I’d be on a medication that’s making me hypersexual and wanting sex all the time. Nothing would have changed. If my husband left me and took my child, which he was never going to do, but if that happened, I don’t think I’d be around. I wouldn’t be doing it today because I wouldn’t be alive. Drugs were entering the picture before I got outed. The ecstasy was coming in and I would have over-dosed because I had no rational thinking.

SM: Bipolar has been in your family. Your brother had it. You wrote that you wished it was talked about differently. What would be different?

SH: I grew up in a very small town in the middle of Wisconsin, a very conservative town, still is. Everyone kept to themselves. You never said your issues or else everybody knew your business. These things weren’t discussed. My parents were trying to shelter me even though I had seen so much. Now we need to communicate this and fight the stigma. There shouldn’t be embarrassment. If people judge you, they shouldn’t be in your life.

favor_Hamilton_001SM: At the beginning of our conversation, you said this is going to set the record straight. What do you say to people who say “She was the All-American girl and a role model and this was a letdown”? Are you still a role model?

SH: You know, I can’t please the world and I’m just here to tell my story. They say it’s a letdown and that’s more their thinking. My brain is thinking that I’m doing a positive thing. I’m seeing the reaction. I’m seeing people reach out. They get it. People with bipolar get it. They are grateful that I’m sharing this very honest, powerful story and that makes me feel good. I choose now to go in my brain where it’s a better place. I have my own feelings and I want to make it a great life.

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