River Seine becomes target for pooping protestors ahead of Paris Olympics

In an effort to prove that the river Seine in Paris, slated for open-water events at the Olympics next month, is safe for swimming, French president Emmanuel Macron and Paris mayor Anne Hidalgo promised to take part in “the big dive” by swimming in the river last Sunday. But Parisians, unpleased with how generous the government has been toward the Olympics in the face of social inequity, said they planned to defecate in the river on the same day, in protest. Meanwhile, “political issues” resulted in the “presidential plunge” being rescheduled to the week of July 15.

Swimming in the Seine has not been legal for more than a century, due to high levels of bacteria and pollution in the water. 

The protestors went so far as to create a website that calculates when you should poop in the river, based on where you live, so that the waste arrives at Macron and Hidalgo’s entry point right on time. Clearly, the Parisians are taking this (fecal) matter very seriously.

The French government is reported to have already spent $1.5 billion in an attempt to clean the river, but last week’s testing still showed an unhealthy amount of E. coli bacteria contaminating the channel. The pronounced brown colour of the water suggests that many Parisians may still have followed through on their pooping commitments on Sunday.

In response to the postponement, it’s expected the French protestors will adjust the date of their trending hashtag, #JeChieDansLaSeineLe23Juin accordingly. 

The first open-water swimming event of the Olympics will be the men’s triathlon, on July 30.

Marathon swimmers and triathletes are preparing for their dip in the River Seine, though some are speculating whether the swimming events can take place. (There is no backup plan for open water events.) Currently, Olympic athletes aren’t able to test the waters to begin training. French officials, on the other hand, claim complete confidence that upcoming sunny days, along with their next cleaning intervention, will do the trick to purify the water. If the bacteria levels in the Seine remain where they are now, the Paris 2024 open-water swim events may be cancelled.