Things non-runners never ask you… and never will because they don’t care

It’s hard to believe but not everyone is as charmed by running as you are. If you keep trying to entice those non-runner friends of yours, you might as well save your breath for tonight’s hill repeats. Don’t believe us? Have you ever, ever heard a non-runner ask you any of these questions? (It doesn’t count if they asked it sarcastically.) Dear runner, sorry your friends just don’t get you.

1. Please, please can you re-tell that marathon experience in detail one more time?

Because I missed the part between kilometre 22 and 25 and we can’t have that.

2. Want to be my wing-man on Saturday?

Tell him how we go for beers after our workouts without showering so he sees how low maintenance I am. Get his Insta handle by 10:00 p.m. though because I know you like to leave before anyone has even showed up at the bar.

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3. Can you give me the recipe for your vegan quinoa macro bowl?

It’s the only thing I’ve been craving all week. It’s literally void of all flavour but there’s something about it that’s just so yum.  

4. Can I run with you? 

It will be just like last time when I learned how no big deal a case of bloody nipples is. So intense. 

5. Why do runners make so many jokes about poop?

Was it worse than having to hold your pee on that road trip? How would it compare in terms of urgency?

6. Could you pull up that Instagram story from your long run? I want to watch it again.  

While we’re at it, can we actually look at all your running-related Instagram posts? Yes, every. last. one. I have seven hours to kill.  

7. Sorry, I missed a detail about that route you just described. Can you go back? 

Not that I can think of even one single reason why I should ever need to know or care. Do tell me: how many kilometres exactly have you run by the time you pass the East Side Mario’s?

8. Would you list again the reasons why running is going to change my life? 

I didn’t fully get it last time and I just thought if you told me one more time, I’d get that eureka moment you’ve been waiting for. I want you to explain it to me until I also hate running but just need to do it.

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9. What time are you waking up to run on Sunday? I’d love to track your splits and beat the brunch crowd. 

That’s hours and hours earlier than I have ever woken up before but if I sleep until 11 a.m., I’ll just waste the whole day. Let’s brunch early just like all the small children throwing maple syrup and scrambled eggs everywhere.

10. Are you still skipping trivia night to run in the blizzard? I’ve changed my mind. I’m coming with. 

Nothing like a frigid jog on ice with my girl. Who needs trivia, nachos and warm places anyway?

11. Can I see your blue toe again?

If you could get that shade in a paint swatch, that would be even better. That’s the colour I want for my accent wall.  

12. Wait you’re running at 5:00 a.m.? That’s the middle of my night but I can make it work. 

Sleep schmeep, amiright? #SleepSchmeep #AmIRight? #RunChat #RunForLife #Runstagram #Hashtag