One-liners you wish non-runners never overheard you say…
Make sure the non-runners are out of ear shot before saying any of these one-liners
To the non-runner, our community can seem a little… odd. Distance runners certainly have their quirks and when among others of our kind, we tend to forget this. From our toddler-like fascination with poop to our curiosity about other people’s snot rocket skill, we’ve definitely racked up some outrageous conversation topics. Say any of these among runners and you’re clear. The problem is when a non-runner overhears you…
RELATED: Lies runners tell
1. I pooped in public yesterday
You know you’re with a close friend when you can just come right out and say it. It’s only awkward when a non-runner hear you discussing which leaves are best for wiping… don’t act like you don’t need to solve this issue.
2. I peed my pants
We all have. This is normal. For the non-runner though, this is not his or her truth, and hasn’t been since the days of diapers.
3. Do you still have all your toe nails?
Strange how the answer to this question proves just how committed this person is to their sport. You find value in these battle wounds that others would find just downright disgusting.
4. My bloody nipples keep ruining my favourite shirts
#RunnerProblems
5. I can never find short enough shorts
Your boyfriend continues to complain about this because it’s actually true. Split shorts are the way of life.
6. It took me a while to perfect my snot rocket technique
This might sound awful to the non-runner. What they don’t realize is that your aim is, in a way, of benefit to pedestrians everywhere.
7. How many times have you puked at the finish?
The only thing more brag-worthy than your finisher’s medal that shows just how hard you work.
8. That construction site gets the good kind of porta potties. Lucky.
Yeah, try to avoid ranking porta potties in front of others. They won’t understand.
RELATED: Runner dubbed “Mad pooper” makes habit of publicly defecating
9. Do you think I could make baby food work for tomorrow?
Out of context, people will have no idea you’re talking about fuel during the marathon. Wait, even with that context, it’s weird…
10. I have blisters on all ten toes right now
Well done.
11. Yeah, I’ve peed at that stop sign
Strange how runners tell each other their favourite pee spots on their routes. To a non-runner though, this is purely disgusting. Beyond public washrooms, they don’t want to hear about it.
12. The shoe smell in my basement is baffling
The people who own just one pair of sneakers that they take to the gym once or twice a week do not understand this struggle.
13. I can actually puke while running
This is impressive, particularly if you’re a beer miler…
14. I’ve been working on my chug time for the upcoming beer mile
To anyone age 23 and under, this line of conversation is encouraged. If you’re a beer mile enthusiast in your late thirties though, avoid mentioning your chug times at Saturday’s dinner party.
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