I found out I couldn’t have a baby. Running helped me gain back control over my body.

This story originally appeared on our site in March 2015 as part of our New Balance runner of the week contest. 

Genevieve Latour has come back to running. To say that that has been an emotional road is an understatement.

Latour is 39. Her first marathon was in 2009 when she ran 4:15. That was the start of it. After that, she continued running, racing half-marathons and the full. Two years after her first marathon, she qualified for Boston– the end and and be all of road racing in North America. It’s safe to say that Latour is a woman who sets goals in running and has the will to see them through. That’s why it was so difficult when she had to stop.

Confronting infertility

When she first tried to get pregnant, it didn’t work. For six months, she and her husband tried. Though her body seemed to be working against her, she refused to let the worry sink in. They’d keep trying. She would give birth one day. She would be able to be in this role which she envisioned for herself. After the six-month bout, Latour confronted her fertility issues but was told by her doctor that her running regime was doing nothing to help her. The marathon training was too intense. In fact, it was likely counter-productive to her treatment. If she wanted all the pills, gels and hormones to have any chance of working, she’d have to stop. So she did.

It was just a nightmare.

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She dropped her active lifestyle and substituted it anything that might be able to help her body become pregnant: pills, injections, hormones, more pills, gels. It was to no avail. She’d try something, get her hopes up and get bad news time and time again, one disappointment after another. “It just never worked– all the injections and pills. It never worked,” says Latour. “It was just a nightmare.”

At first she and her husband were optimistic. But the optimism and positive talk was replaced with a growing stress. It was a cycle of constant wondering, waiting and hoping. She’d go to appointment after appointment and try one method after the next. She felt like she was always being told what to do with her body and it only led to bad news. Feeling, like she wanted to give herself every chance to have a child, she eventually lost control of her own body. It was time to call  it quits, Latour decided.

A turning point

I love running and I’m going back to it with or without children.

It came to a head one day when she got another piece of letdown news at her doctor’s appointment. The most recent method didn’t work either. Latour decided that was the final appointment for her. She left the office, closed the door behind her, walked out into the parking lot, found her car and opened the door. Latour sat in the driver’s seat. “I came out of that [appointment] and I had five minutes of disappointment,” she says. “I found myself in my car saying ‘What do I do?’ I started to run the next day.”

It was an easy decision to make she says. It was time to start a different cycle: moving on from trying to have a child. “What do you do? Do you cry the rest of your life?” she says. “I decided life is too short, I love running and I’m going to go back to it with or without children.”

Now, Latour continues to make running a priority. When she speaks, it’s clear that running is bringing her closure. She has stopped playing the never-ending waiting game and uses the word “healing” when asked what running does for her now. Latour feels that she gained back physical authority over her body. Running has also brought peace into her life in that it helps her process the emotions of not being able to be in charge over her reproductive decisions. “I decided everything in my life except not having children,” she says. “Running was healing. It was progression. I would see myself gaining energy and control of my body.”

Latour is now using this newfound control over herself physically to run marathons. She runs multiple times a week running long on the weekends and mixing in tempo and interval work. And she’s got a training pal to run with her– often her dog is happy to run alongside her. Returning to racing means a lot to her. “I’m scared, but I’m excited,” she says. “I know I can do it.”

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