Stuff runners say

Caela Fenton December 23, 2014

We made fun of the sh*t non-runners say to runners in a previous article, so we thought it would only be fair to point out the sh*t runners say themselves.

“Are the results up yet?”

Often this is said immediately after finishing the race, when there is no chance that the results are up (but why not ask, just in case). This question is usually followed up by repetitive refreshing of the sportstats homepage once arrived at home.

“Does this shirt smell?”

If we washed every shirt after every run, we’d be hurting the planet, right?

“I’ll run it off later”

This refrain is often used to excuse the consumption of any sugary, decadent and overall delicious morsel.

“What was my split?!”

Usually called out to someone with a stopwatch, while running around a track. It does not refer to a hole along the seam of a pair of shorts.

“I think I’m getting a watch tan”

It happens when you spend a lot of time outside and have a sentimental attachment to your wrist gadget.

“Have you read Once a Runner?”

If they say no–tell them how much they need to read it. If they say yes–delve into a conversation about how you both relate to it so much.

“I’m just going to tempo this race”

Code for: I know this race is not going to be a personal best and I want you to know that to so that it doesn’t look like I was attempting to achieve one and then failing.

“I’m so out of shape”

Runners have a different definition of “out of shape” than 99 per cent of the population. Being out of shape means not being in PB shape, rather than actually unable to perform physical activity.

“I wish I was Kenyan”

When it comes to running, who doesn’t?

“I can’t ______, I have a long run in the morning”

This blank can be filled in with pretty much anything.

“I’m training for a beer mile”

Often used by runners as an excuse for an extra brew.