Gross conversation topics that are acceptable only among runners

Runners, admit it: you’re a pretty gross bunch. Ever notice that there’s no topic that goes uncovered in the running community? It doesn’t matter how disgusting that race story is, you’re telling it. It also doesn’t matter if you just met that runner yesterday because if they run, these conversation topics are totally kosher.  

1. Poop.

You know you’re a true runner the moment you discuss the poop with another. Runners will go into extreme details on the brown stuff– when you last did it, consistency, that race where you didn’t use the porta potty before the start, how often you go. Newbie runners may be a little freaked out at how easily runners bring this up in conversation but it’s only a matter of time before they’re telling a total stranger all about the number two. Just don’t mention it to a non-runner or they’ll think you’re downright disgusting. 

2. The poor condition of feet.

From the blisters, to the toenails, to tips on how to prevent foot fungus, feet are one of our most talked about topics. 

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3. Blood blisters.

If you got yourself a major blood blister during your last race, chances are that your most faithful running buddy knows exactly how big it was, when you took the safety pin to it and if your running shoes made it out unscathed. 

4. Chafe.

The thighs took a real beating at that race and rather than treat it and shut up, you told the world. But you don’t feel bad because your chafe rash was way less horrific than the nipple situation of your group’s top runner. And he showed everyone. 

5. Sweat scent.

You sweat a lot but it doesn’t smell that bad. We know because you told us. We also know that your boyfriend wasn’t blessed with the same situation– that sweat reeks. 

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6. Your famous race spit moment.

You aimed to simply spit at the side of the course and while it was intended to be nonchalant, it wasn’t. Instead, your grossly viscous stringy spit landed all over your face. It was embarrassing at the time but it’s funny now so you told everyone.  

7. The state of the porta potty.

Will it be stinky? Will there be pee on the seat? Does a full roll of toilet paper await? Race porta potties are like birthday party loot bags: they’re full of surprises, you’re bound to come across something you never wanted, and when something good waits inside, you’re incredibly impressed. Because we never know what to expect, we take it upon ourselves to warn others of what’s going on behind that green vacant sign. 

8. The state of your bathroom post race.

When your friend is late to meet you for the post-race beer, you guessed what was going on. You also know that it’s only a matter of minutes before he or she confirms. 

9. Pee colour.

“Do you think it’s pale yellow yet?” you ask each other between tiny sips of water. No one wants to run a race dehydrated. This is the only time you ever want to know what shade of yellow your friend’s pee is. 

10. Snot rockets.

Runners are divided on this one. Are you for them or against them? Whether you’re appalled by those who shoot their boogies or you deem the action completely necessary, you’ve discussed your stance with your closest running friends. 

11. Black toenails.

There are several shades of black and you didn’t know it until you started running. You’ve had black toenails. You’ve had several black toenails. You told your friend because they need to know that you are nothing less than a true warrior. Non-runners will never know the true purpose of black nail polish. 

12. That time you had an accident in your pants during a race/run…

We needn’t elaborate. 

13. … and which gels were responsible.

They will be blacklisted forever. 

14. Post-race puke. 

Has it happened to you yet? Every veteran runner knows that the post-race puke isn’t something to be ashamed of. Even if you just met these running friends a few hours ago. There’s even a type of runner who will casually mention it as a way to subtly brag about how hard they worked.